Evan Quinlan

The Clincher

In Drabbles, Fiction, Mysticism, Short Stories on June 16, 2019 at 2:04 pm

They built a computer which, existing partly inside and partly outside the known universe, could accurately answer any question about the known universe and itself (and do so quickly, since the outside part was unconstrained by time).

Those who won the bid to ask questions first were wayward priests seeking to discover the forbidden answers—ones the truly faithful would never seek.

“Is there a god?” The first asked nervously.

“Yes.”

The priest rejoiced.

“Is there only one god?” The second asked hopefully.

“Yes.”

That priest rejoiced.

“Oh no…” muttered the third priest despairingly, then asked: “…Are you a god?”

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Coffee and Spirits

In Drabbles, Fan Fiction, Fiction, Short Stories on June 14, 2019 at 2:17 pm

This is part of a series of 27 drabbles inspired by Kyle Johannessen’s short film Devil May Care.

Death and Lucifer had been friends for a long time (he liked her devil-may-care attitude; she liked his morbidity). So how, Death wondered, do you break bad news to a friend?

“Lou,” she said over her untouched coffee, “I know you think you’re sending good people to Heaven when you kill them. But you’re not.”

“Really?” Lou said, leaning back in his chair. “Because they haven’t come my way.”

“That’s the bad news… Heaven’s not taking them. They’re wise to your new experiment.”

“Damn,” said Lou. “So where’re they going?”

“NOWHERE,” said the ghosts crowded into the cafe behind him.

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Humans Anonymous

In Drabbles, Fan Fiction, Fiction, Short Stories on June 13, 2019 at 4:44 pm

This is part of a series of 27 drabbles inspired by Kyle Johannessen’s short film Devil May Care.

“So,” said Lou, “to what do I owe this pleasant visit?”

“That should be obvious,” said Death. “I’ve received over a dozen souls from this church in under a week, and they all told me the same story, that they were imprisoned by a maniac running an involuntary self-help group. So I thought I’d come see.”

“Humans Anonymous,” said Lou proudly. “I figured, if humans sin constantly like Father says, I can help out by stopping them from doing anything at all!”

Death nodded, calmly regarding each of the captive humans wriggling hopelessly against their bonds on the basement floor.

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